10 Tips for Doulas and Birth Partners

Tips for Doulas and Birth Partners:

A gentle touch, a quiet voice, and the calming presence of her support team

OKAY! Birth Partners and Doulas:

I AM GONNA GET REAL HERE… The very best thing that we do as her birth support team is to BE PRESENT. Right with her… Every step, every sound, every movement of the way.

Below, are a few important tips that will help you best help her.

1. Discuss, Read, and Honor her Birth Preferences. This doesn't meant that they are written in stone. Labor ebbs and flows and often diverges from the original idea. Educate yourself on what the options are: As a birth doula, it is important that you are familiar with your client’s preferences, be able to translate the birth language and know what the optimal alternatives are. As a birth partner, it’s important to be able to stand firmly beside her and be able to speak the language of the birthing space. As the birthing mom, it’s important to have considered your options ahead of time, understand the options, what the events of the options are so that you are not fearful but rather empowered to self advocate for your best birth experience.

2. Speak softly, calmly, clearly but slowly.  Keep the stimulus energy low so the birth focus can stay high. Sometimes, others in the birthing room will later say, “I know that you were saying something to her but I couldn’t hear what it was…All I know is that whatever you said, it helped!” Yup, quiet, calm, low tones will bring down the energy and a laboring mother can absorb what you are saying.

3. Stop asking questions: If you ask a laboring mother, “Do you want a drink? Do you have to pee? Do you want to change position”…The answer will almost always be “no”! But if you say to her “After the next contraction (surge, pressure wave) is finished, we are going to change position”, she will likely be quite agreeable to it or at least willing to do it. This way of communicating gives her time to think about what is happening next. It’s very disruptive to simply say, “Okay, we are turning you now”.

4. Speak her language of her chosen childbirth education. If she is HypnoBirthing, use the word “Surge” for contraction. If she is using Hypnobabies, use the word “Pressure Wave”. Practice her relaxation techniques with her. Be a valued member of her team.

5. Vocalization in labor is really important because pitch and tone are related to pelvic floor relaxation. Crazy but true!! When I am working with my doula clients, I will say, “match my tone” and then I meet HER vocal tone right where she is — and then together, we vocalize down the scale to the low, vibrating, “oooohhhhh” or “hmmmmmmmm”. I may even gently touch her chest to say, “feel the vibration deep down in your chest.” Birth Parters, you can do this, too. (Feel free to try it now and see how it feels. By the way, this can help an anxious toddler, too!)

Nearly there…

6. Never. Ever. No, really - I mean NEVER. EVER! Say that you are tired, hungry, bored or sit on your phone texting or facebooking. NEVER. If she is birthing in a hospital, she may not be allowed anything but ice chips… for hours, maybe days. Can you imagine if someone said to you that they were tired or hungry when you hadn’t eaten food for 2 days or slept for 4 days… Ya.. I am gonna be straight with you here. THE SUPPORT TEAM SHOULD NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL. EVER. And by the way, Birth Partners - this is your moment to shine. For years to come, she will remember that either you were THERE for her or NOT.

7. Her Cesar Milan Moment… Remember the TV show, The Dog Whisperer? Remember how Cesar would say ‘No touch. No talk. No eye contact” around an anxious animal? Every laboring woman has a “moment” of uncertainty - usually around Transition and I call it her Cesar Milan Moment because she does NOT want “touch, talk, or eye contact”. It it often very subtle, but sometimes not! It may be a glimmer in her eye, a look on her face, or she may all of a sudden say something like, “Be Quiet!!! I can hear you whispering!” or “I am DONE. You have this baby, I am going home.” It is usually directed at the birth partner but sometimes the doula. Do not take offense at any of it. Forgive a laboring woman anything. This is the most intense experience of a woman’s life. She may say or do things that are out of her normal character. For her support team- It’s time to get excited! It is not about you. It is about what she is experiencing. For this time… a few moments or hours, it has to be about her. ALL HER.

8. “Forward is Forward.” A dear midwifery friend in Jacksonville, Florida (who also trained at the same hospital as I did in South Africa, but that’s another story!) always says, “Forward is Forward”. I adore this for labor. Because you just never know what the next moment will bring. It’s important to remember that women don’t always labor at the same rate that their cervix reports. Seriously. Some women take 12 hours to go from 1cm to 6 cm and then one hour to go to holding her baby. Other women may not even realize they are in labor when they are 6 cm and then take 12 hours to go from 6 cm to fully dilated. It’s a mystery but always the important question is “Is she progressing”? A little or a lot, forward is still forward and that is progression.

The moment she saw her baby’s head!

9. Use of a Mirror It’s not for everyone but it is an incredibly affective tool for feedback during pushing! Nothing like SEEING WITH YOUR OWN EYES that you are pushing effectively to tell your brain, “That’s the way to do it”!!

Some moms think, “I don’t want to see that” but don’t be afraid of this tool. It’s a TOOL for progression! You won’t believe how excited you get at the sight of your baby’s head!

10. Encourage, Encourage, Encourage. Every step of the way. She needs you to be her best cheerleader! Nothing more needs to be said on that.

I hope that these 10 tips are helpful to you as you get ready to provide support as a Birth Doula or Birth Partner. This is an incredible moment in the birthing mother’s life and it can be in your life as well! Be her shining knight or brilliant birth buddy and fully enjoy your opportunity to be in this incredible moment.

Let us know how you best supported another person in their birth experience or how you were best supported in your birth!